One week left, then my year will end...

One week. ONE week. What the.. ONE WEEK! :o After one week I'm sitting in my room in Finland. That feels weird, really weird. I can't believe my year is almost over. Right now I have so many feelings and all of them are in a huge disorder, like a mess in my head. So, that was a warning; this blog is gonna be as messed up.

I would separate my thoughts to these themes: sadness, speed, weirdness, happiness, change and frustration. Now I'm gonna explain each one of those, because a word doesn't tell thousand words. Even though I tried to be sneaky and take a picture of speed and stuff..

Sadness. This is really obvious one. From the moment I wake 'til the moment I fall asleep, I'm feeling sad. In some point of the day more, in another point less. Sadness and a thought of leaving is always on my mind no matter what I do. I've played guitar, Xbox watched movies, hanged out with friends (not so much because most of them are workaholic dudes haha), none of those hasn't helped. After each day, I realize, I have one day less time to spend here, behind the cornfield. This is definitely different feeling than I had, when I left from Finland. Then I knew I'm coming back and living rest of my life there, but in this case, I'm not coming back here to live anymore. Of course I'll come to visit, as often as I have time and money. I think I'll have more time in my life than money though.. Anyways, it's not a same thing at all to come visit than stay and live. My year was a huge blast. I know I'm gonna miss everything here. My best family ever is the number one in my missing list; Kyle (my brother who is like a real bro for me now, I don't have any real ones as u guys know), Georgeanne (my Mom who was always there for me, helped me through my some problems, made me laugh and was a person who I could tell everything) and Alan (my host Dad). For more I have so many things I'm gonna miss, but I could mention like friends, our animals, Iowa, our daily routine stuff, American fast food places and stores, you name it. My leaving is going to be easier than it could be though. The reason for that is my host bro's and Mom's visit to Finland, after a month I leave from here. So, it's gonna be much harder to say good byes, when they will leave from Finland. That's good that I have some time to save some water for my tears then. Every day I try to cheer up and be happy. Most of the part it's possible, but there's the though of leaving every frkn second. :/

Speed. I don't mean my running speed in Track. I mean time. It's really going whole the time faster as my time runs smaller. These 10 months flew in general. Before I came I though: "10 months are going to feel really long!" I was sooooo wrong. Feels like I just said that I have two months left, after a moment it was one month, and like after few days (that's how it feels) it's now one week. For the future exchange-students I'll give an advice: Even if time would feel long at the start or in some point of the year, don't think about it! Just enjoy 110% because in some point, you realize: "Who the f*** stole my time?" Somebody did pick pocket me already. I don't have any time in my pockets anymore. I'll try to enjoy 110% the rest of my days, but, I can tell, it's really damn hard. Few blinks and I'm at the airport with my suitcase.. Anyway, there's one more week to E-N-J-O-Y! (:

Weirdness. This is not meant to describe me, even though some of you might think it does. I feel lots of weirdness about going back home after 10 months. It feels weird, how I'm gonna see my family and friends again, sleeping in my own bed (my parents bought me a new one because my old one was broken.. and don't think it was broken because of some activity on it, it just had a hole, the bed had I mean..) and going on living my life in my lovely home town. It's gonna be fine I bet, but it takes time for sure to get used to it again. Also, all the daily routines, people and places. They are not the same, they gonna be familiar in Finland, but it's weird to get used to them again. It's like learning how to walk again. You know how to do it in the back of you head, but if you sit on a chair 10 months, walking might be hard and weird at first. After a while it's starting to work again though. I'm feeling really wise because of my comparasion. Don't ruin that up from me by saying I'm just dreaming!

Happiness. Still, with all weird and sad feelings, I'm in some way feeling happy too. A thought of seeing all the love ones, family, friends and all the familiar places, foods and everything. Those all give me a happy thought. Those things are definitely going to make happy. Don't get me wrong though. As I said I'm feeling kinda sad whole the time. I can't be smiling and cheering for leaving, because I don't feel that way. I hate to leave all behind, but it's also kind of happy side in leaving too (which is hidden somewhere), that I will see my host family in one month and in my final destination; there's people who love me too.

Change. Many people, also called as exchange-students, are scared of change. I have to admit, I was maybe kinda scared of that when I first came. Right now, I'm not scared at all. I know for sure that I've changed a lot. It's hard to notice in myself. So, I can't say that 100% sure. Anyways, I read some of my old blogs, notes, messages and stuff from last year and little bit later than that. It was funny, ridicilous and ashaming to read all of those. My opinions, self-esteem and self-confence were way different than they are now.. I'm not gonna give any examples because I could turn red (like you would see my face). For more all the people in Finland have changed; people I know, my friends, everybody. They might have their own things, new friends and own stuff now. I might not be a friend of some of them anymore. So, I'm prepared to face that fact. It could be hard in some cases, but I have a way of thinking for all that; if they are not my friends anymore, they were not a worth of being my friends. I know there are at least my closest friends who will stay as my friends. That's enough for me. I'm gonna make new friends too, so there you have it. :--) Can't change the change, but can learn to live with it and turn it to a positive thing. (:

Frustration. This is the last thing in my mind (small brains). There's so much to do, people to see, places to go.. and not enough time. But, I will make a best from it. I quit baseball already. That helped my frustration a little bit. Tomorrow, I'm having a GOOD BYE PARTY for my friends at my house. There's gonna be a bonfire and we are all gonna have fun and a blast for sure. :--------) Then, on Sunday, I'm going to Buffalo Wild Wings-restaurant with my family. It's the chicken wings place. We were there on my birthday plus few times more during this year. The main reason I wanted to go there, is that it was the first restaurant we went to eat after I arrived here. Memories.. Then the top of my frustation will be next Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Oh man.. I think I will just hide the whole frustration under a carpet and just smile. :) I will write again soon. On Sunday (that's the plan but..) about my Good Bye Party and that dinner in BWW with my family.


Our Track Coach and I in out Track Banquet today.


'til next time

Sami